Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
