I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
