so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
