The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
