Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
