I think i peed on brittanys purse
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i will never coherently bang her
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
