you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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