my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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