Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
