The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
