You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
