you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
