My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
