We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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