Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
