I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
