Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
