Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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