Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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