woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
