So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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