4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
