6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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