Me. At least after what I've been through.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
