Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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