Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
