Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
