he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
