I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
