sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
