I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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