It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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