a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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