May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
