How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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