I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
