i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
