i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
