Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
