you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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