i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
