ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
