i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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