I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
