i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
