Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
