chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
