I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
