Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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