If i come over, it means nothing
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
