he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
