I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
