Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
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