So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
