I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
