dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
