So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I am one with the molecules
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
