I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
