Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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