If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
