I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
