I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
